Since I feel that I have to hide what I like and don't like (often I feel I have to pretend to love what bores me and dislike what I find enjoyable), I often don't show enthusiasm. Faking enthusiasm is exhausting after a long time. It's easier to pretend to be fairly interested by socially acceptable things I don't like, and then hide when I'm really happy or excited and into something socially not-so-acceptable. The downside is that I can never act on my enthusiasm, or if I do it has to be reigned in and tweaked so that it is 'acceptable.' If I don't, no one will like me. If I don't, I'll fail at everything.

If I quit the charade, I lose.