I sometimes have trouble getting close to new people, because I feel I should shield them from who I really am. Who I am, what I like, how I feel, it's all invalid unless it aligns with how I should be. Not much aligns like that. Who I am is strange, unusual in not-good way, off-putting, and incorrect. I am undesirable as a friend, family member, and lover. I feel that not everyone I know realizes that just yet because I hide it - but I feel they sense it, and someday will act accordingly.

I feel wrong because I don't care much about befriending new people (I'm selective about friends). But I feel that I should always be making new friends and going out with them. I shouldn't feel bored or disinterested by that. I do. It's tiring to pretend I'm not bored by it. It's stressful to lie and say I enjoy it so that I look 'right.' No one would want someone like that. So I have to hide it.